I’ve seen an inordinate amount of blog posts recently about
hints and steps to optimize your life. This ranges from the “Most Perfect t
Morning Routine Ever in 167 Easy Minutes” to “How to be a 50s Housewife in 27
Easy Daily Steps” to “How to Kick All the Ass at Work All the Time and Still
Have Time for a Massage.” Needless to say, they overwhelm me, make me feel a
smidge inferior, and end with me eating peanut butter by the spoonful. I’m
really glad to know there are successful people out there, and I do hope those
articles help people. I decided to make my own, possibly more realistic “How To”
complete with examples.
My 10 Steps to a Successful Day:
11 . Start on the Right Foot
Real Life Example:
bargain with yourself in the mornings. How I execute this tricky step: I
open my bleary eyes, look at the time on my phone, and then start a serious of
calculations involving minutes until I have to leave, minutes per task that has
to be completed, and other such factors and an epic internal debate to shame
any scholar, and make mental health professionals question how many people live
in my head.
“All right. If you don’t do your makeup, you can have seven
and a half more minutes of sleep.”
“Pft. Please. Like that
will convince me to get up.”
“Okay… if you drink coffee at the office instead of making
it at home, you can stare blankly at the back wall of the shower for four
minutes and 23 seconds. “
“Nope. Can’t make me.”
“How about if you wear the same thing you wore yesterday,
with a spritz of Fabreeze, you can hold your dogs for three more minutes.”
“LALALALA. I can’t
hear you.”
“FINE! Just get up and brush your teeth and you can watch a
half episode of Buffy.”
“I just have to brush
my teeth? That’s all I have to do today? Fine, deal.”
22. Follow Through
Real Life Example:
stare blankly at the back of the shower. Obviously, you must up hold
whatever bargaining chips were utilized to complete step 1, else you will have
no power the next day. I find this a particularly useful approach, because it’s
basically like still being asleep with the added bonus of feeling like you are
making progress.
33. Eat a Nutritious Breakfast
Real Life Example:
stare blankly at your refrigerator. Give up. Go to Starbucks. We all know
balanced nutrition is a must for a successful life, and that packing your own
food is always the better approach. I figure, A for effort really goes a long
way for breakfast; additionally, coffee and nutritionally valueless sugar free
syrup make a nice compromise to a home cooked meal.
44. Execute a Daily Plan
Real Life Example: bumble your way from task
to task. My typical day involves at least three different work hats, at
three different locations. I like to keep expectations nice and low, so making
a screaming entrance and equally chaotic exit is essential. Try and forget
important things as well, whether it be paperwork or tasks you were supposed to
complete.
55. Keep Your Eye on the Prize
Real Life Example: be
willing to sell your soul for a nap. It is important to know your heart’s
desire and to work towards your goals.
66. Utilize Your Commute
Real Life Example:
Stare blankly at traffic. Finding that perfect balance is always the goal –
this is a nice way to keep you morning and afternoons centered on the same
theme.
77. Practice Gratitude
Real Life Example: be
so grateful to be home that you stay on the floor for 30 minutes. This example
really only applies if you are an introvert. As I am the poster child for Introverts United, Separately and from our
Own Homes, this step is crucial. You often have periods of time that you
are not using to full potential. I encourage you to really look for those so
you can fill them with tasks that are life giving, like lying on the floor
crippled by the overwhelming feelings of angst of being around people all day
and delight at being by yourself at home. The occasional groan pulled from your
soul is encouraged.
88. Cultivate Communication
Real Life Example:
complain about all the things. It is important in our busyness to find time
for the important relationships in our lives. I like to whine about everything
in a big onslaught to my husband as soon as we are both home. Bonus if you are
also whining via text message to other people. This is rounded out nicely if
you end it with a half-hearted argument about what’s for dinner at the end.
99. Stay on Top of Chores
Real Life Example:
rewash that load of laundry for the third time, since you aren’t sure if the
last attempt was this week or the previous. ‘Nuff said.
110. Meditate on Your Day
Real Life Example:
feel deep existential angst about your failings during the day, come up with
elaborate plan how tomorrow will be different, go to sleep knowing it will
totally work this time.