Monday, March 24, 2014

Life Lessons That Make You Say YOWZA.

I worked at an OB/GYN for awhile and no matter what kind of admin/desk/call center job you've had, it does not compare to the things you hear and see while working at the ladybits' doctor. I've decided to share some valuable life lessons I learned.

- If you are dropping off any kind of bodily fluid at your doctor's office the following containers are never okay - ziplock bag, I Can't Believe It's Not Butter container, and/or Tropicana bottle.

Yeeeessshhhh. Some things you can't unsee and boy howdy is it hard to keep a straight face and not say - "what the heck is wrong with you?? I can believe it's not butter, what I can't believe is that this was your only viable option for collection."


- While there is very little ramification to treating employees of your doctor's office like garbage, you can bet your bottom dollar they will call you by a mean nickname. And possibly blog about said mean nickname because they can't get over what a jerk you are, YOU BIG MEANIE. ::cough:: Sorry.  

"Who are you guys talking about?"

"Buttface."

"Oh ew, I hate her."

- When you call your doctor's office, it is NOT a medical professional who answers.

Me: "Thank you for calling women's service, this is Anna, how can I help you?

Random, Angry Woman: "It's red, it burns, and it hurts like a son of a -"

Me: "Auugh! LET ME TRANSFER YOU."

- When someone at your doctor's office says, "Oh no, not a problem, this happens all the time." They are lying. The level of shrillness in a person's voice is a good indicator of how much they are lying.

Lady hands me her 24 hour urine sample (which is a jar full of a day's worth of pee - pregnancy is so much more complicated than I ever guessed) and it explodes everywhere.

Lady starts apologizing frantically.

Me: "oh no, not a problem, this happens all the time" so high pitched that only dogs can hear me as I back away rapidly to find reinforcements before I completely spaz out.


- And finally, based on my favorite story from my time at the lady doctor, don't answer the phone when your doctor's office calls, you may not get sound information.

When nurses call with test results, they can't leave them a voicemail. Instead they have a schpeil they leave about calling them back.

One day, sitting by a nurse who was getting ready to leave a voicemail, the patient answers the phone on the last ring effectively frazzling the poor nurse, I hear the following:

Nurse: "Oh hi, yes, I'm calling from blah blah's office and I just wanted to let you know that you have just a little bit of herpes."

She gets off the phone.

Me: "Um, I'm sorry, did you just tell someone they have just a little bit of herpes?"

Nurse: "I was flustered! I thought I was going to leave a message!"

So, the moral of the story... I don't have a moral. I'm just easily entertained.

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