I Work Out! Wait... I Meant... I Work Nights!

I have not blogged in a loooooong time. I mean months. That's like a millennia in internet time (I'm not sure of the exact conversion, so give or take a few years or hundred.)

There's a lot of reasons. I have had mono. I was looking for a full time counseling job. I got a full time counseling job. I was training for said job. I have been in the throes of a general existential crisis since graduating in December.

And, as of this week, I am working nights. Over the weekends. It's the prime-o shift, e'rybody wants it.

Needless to say, for someone who would pick sleep over anything short of meeting the Queen of England (and even then, is there tea and scones involved? If I'm not being fed, what's the point), this has been a tough week. Tough enough that I thought to myself, "self, what can you do to make this easier? You should blog, you love blogging! It's okay that you have nothing to say. You haven't slept much in five days, so everything you have to say will be hilarious. To you."

In the spirit of full disclosure, I am writing this at 3 o'clock in the morning. Also,  I just sat for five minutes staring at my computer trying to think of the phrase "spirit of full disclosure."

 Onward, to the point of this. Or as close as we will get to one.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED FROM WORKING THE NIGHT SHIFT! (For four days)

The title is a work in progress.

1. It's the worst. I am trying really hard to be positive, but there's no way around the fact that working from midnight to 8am sucks. I could wax poetic about the ways I hate it, but it's fairly straight forward - working while everyone else sleeps, and sleeping while everyone else works and plays is no fun. If you haven't done the graveyard shift, you should probably throw yourself a five second dance party. Right now. We'll wait. If you have, and you love it and it's the best thing to happen to you, all I can say is I'm glad but that makes all of my internal emotions feel this way:

2. I suddenly runneth over for analogies about what I feel like. Things I've compared myself to: a mole person, a troll, a vampire, a barnacle, a slug, those animals that get all squinty and sad in the sun...

True story, I just realized the animal I was talking about was a mole. Thus the phrase mole person. That I used in the same sentence. And didn't put two and two together.

Also, I googled pictures of moles, and guys, they're the worst. So scary, I can't even bring myself to post a picture. Shudder. So we'll settle for this artistic rendition.

3. I think I'm brilliant and witty at 4 in the morning. It's like when you wake up from a dream thinking, "oh my goodness, of course I should open a cupcake shop with JJ Watt. Why have I never thought of this brilliant idea before?!" About a half hour ago I thought to myself, "yes! I finally figured it out! The plot to my best selling novel!" I won't bore with you the details, but it made as much sense as my recruiting from the Texans to open a bakery.

4. I'm glad to be doing it. Despite all of the negative (which is plentiful), I'm glad that there are 24 hour a day resources for people who feel hopeless and alone. I plan on writing a whole post on this topic, when I'm not feeling like I am detached from my body, but know if you are hurting that you are not alone ever. There's someone you can talk to 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. I know this because I'm lit-rally sitting here waiting for calls. And the sunrise. And for my sanity to return.