Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Bride

The movie Bridesmaids makes me laugh. Every time. I realized this morning that my week can be summed up in quotes from it and I decided to embrace it.


I was walking up the stairs with my incredibly, dorky, after-school-special-warning-heavy backpack when I tripped and slow motion started falling. I was doing the awkward windmill, grab at anything, going to save this move (and winning!), when my backpack started sliding up my back and over my head. The added weight pushed the battle in favor of gravity, and I found myself pinned to the stairs. The way I landed resulted in my having an epic five minute struggle to get out form under the pack.


I had a rough week of cancellations with clients, and went in to "I need these hours else I can't ever graduate, and I have to get out of here!!" panic mode. My fifth cancellation prompted a flurry of calling referrals and packing my schedule to the point of bursting. Want the last hour of the day? Sure! The butt crack of morning? Awesome! Five in a row? Of course! Over compensation at it's finest!


This morning I was in the midst of an existential crisis fueled by regret, Ebola, insecurity, and indigestion. I filled in two of my closest friends. The one in Texas sent me the sweetest, most affirming text extolling my virtues, and the other said, "pft, it's fine, you'll be fine." Both approaches were needed, helpful, and affirming!


I have a co-worker, "Thistle," who hates me. A few months ago she mentioned to another co-worker, "Princess Consuela," that she didn't send me a fundraiser item because she didn't think I could afford it. Now, I've never spoken with Thistle about my finances. Ever. So that was weird. Today, Princess Consuela told Thistle that we all owed a certain (incredibly reasonable) amount of money for something.

Thistle: "That's really expensive."
Princess Consuela: "Not really, considering."
Thistle: "Well, I mean, how is Anna going to afford it?
Princess Consuela: "What world do you live in."

So apparently I just exude poverty. Maybe I should brush my hair more.


If you know me at all, you know I have an unhealthy love of Dazbog. I LOVE IT. There is one right by my work and I am a frequent patron. Like Stan from Cheers frequent. Yesterday, Princess Consuela texted me, "I have to tell you something. You're not going to be happy. Our Dazbog has broken away from the franchise and rebranded." I didn't take it well.

As a side note, another friend at work when Princess Consuela mentioned to her that Dazbog was changing said, "oh man, how are you going to tell Anna?"

So this morning I walked in, and sure enough it's not a Dazbog anymore. I threw up my hands and yelled, "you guys! What is happening?!?" All four baristas proceeded to tell me all the reasons it was good, they gave me free coffee, and told me I was doing really well.

I grumpily, and skeptically, took my coffee and drove to work.

"Locally roasted small batch beans. Nice. Nice touch. Holy crap. This is good. Damnit. I mean really good." 

Dazbog who?

*All pictures via pinterest. 

Monday, October 6, 2014

Anna the Prophetess

Last week I wrote about how recently my life has started looking like a ridiculous, endless, somewhat painful musical. 

I was writing metaphorically and feeling quite proud of myself for putting a positive spin on a chaotic phase in my life. 

And then. 

My life actually became a musical.

As a caveat, I'm often an active participant in attempting to make my life into a giant musical number. Just this weekend alone, I sang Grease on the light rail with my boss (complete with wide-eyed, alarmed observers), I sang Cake with my friends during a football game, and I did the entire Moulin Rouge elephant love medley in my kitchen with my dog. She was moved, it was magical. 

But, twice this week my life became a musical completely outside of my doing.    

Musical Number 1

I was sitting in Dazbog reading for school, minding my own business, when an older man walked in and asked if he could use the bathroom to change. I took notice because I thought that was a weird request. He was dressed in head to toe nondescript, black and carrying a large bag. He disappeared and I immediately forgot he was back there.

Fast forward a significant amount of time (like really forgot he was back there amount of time). On the speakers at the coffee shop The Police were playing, "Every Little Thing She Does is Magic" (get it Sting, eighties music moves me) and out walks the man.

 Dressed in a head to toe wizard costume. 

Like so. BUT SO MUCH MORE. I swear his robe was made of glitter, magic, and the dreams of fairies. In my mind he also was walking slow motion into a wind machine. TO THE POLICE. 

Even if he was walking regular paced, he really was in a glorious robe and Sting really was singing and my jaw LITERALLY (not using the word literally not meaning literally, I MEAN LITERALLY) dropped open. And then he winked at me and left. No one else even looked at him. 

I'm pretty sure this means I've finally been accepted to Hogwarts and it's going to by musically wonderful.

Musical Number 2

When I'm in the car alone, I listen to a popular top 40 radio station. I was sitting at a light by my house, bopping along when I noticed outside that a sign spinner was also bopping. To the exact same beat. And by bopping, I mean that the sign spinner was aggressively dancing. 

Like, swiveling hips, rapid fire feet, sign in the air like he just didn't care aggressive. It was very obvious that he was listening to the same station I was because his moves were on point. It was like the big scene where everyone around the main character starts jazz handing in support.

And then I realized that the sign spinner was working for a costume shop. And was wearing a carrot costume. And a Dracula costume. At the same time


PLUS THIS (complete with make up)

As I was digesting this costume and all of it's part, my thought wasn't, "wow, that's a really weird combination." 

It was, "well of course the back up dancer to my life would be a carrot in a Dracula costume."

What are you going to be for Halloween and can it top a carrot vampire?

All pictures via