Tuesday, March 31, 2015

On a Scale from Jane Fonda to the Grim Reaper, How Tired Are You??

I'm in the final (ish) stretch of graduate school, which is incredibly exciting. And exhausting. And I'm pretty sure I'm going to keel over before December. It's going to be just like Rocky, but if he had finally been knocked out in the 14th round. Very anti-climactic. 

Just kidding (knock on wood). I can TOTALLY do this. I've got guts! I've got drive! I've got Netflix!

All of this reflecting on how tired and metaphorically beat up I feel led to me creating the below "chart" ("chart," and not chart because I need everyone to be like Peter Pan and just believe it is in chart form, not a random list of crap).   

I give you the Anna Smith, "How Tired Are You?" scale!

1. The Jane Fonda
This is when your energy knows no bounds. Academy Awards? Sure, get a couple of those. Write a book? No problemo. Break your foot doing ballet? I guess you'll just make work out videos instead. A force to be reckoned with. People around you automatically drop a few levels on the scale, just tiring from watching you. 

2. The Mountain Summit:

Also known as the second wind. You're actually tired, but you've accomplished something that makes you forget. Who cares if you have blisters and stinky socks, you're king of the mountain, mountain, mountain, mountain!!! 

3. The Post-Vacation Haze: 

Theoretically, vacation is suppose to be restorative. In reality, you are often sunburned and overwhelmed with laundry. You can still call up the glow of the Bahamian beaches, but it's rapidly eclipsed by reality. 

4. The Thursdays:
You may be surprised that this level is not "The Mondays," but deep down we all know Thursdays are actually harder and more tiring. You've put in the time and you've fought the good fight, where is your reward? How is it only Thursday? And why does your brain insist on thinking it's Friday and jolting back to the sad reality that is Thursday? You're out of gas, but you have to dig deep still to make it to the weekend.

5. The Youth Group Lock In:
Don't be fooled bu the cutesy lock in this picture. Level 5 is when the struggle really begins to get real. There's nothing like staying up all night making sure kids don't sneak off to get in to shenanigans and then trying to serve breakfast to said squirrely kids on no sleep. The kids get to leave and crash, and you are left picking up the pieces of the church and your sanity. The tears might start at hour 30.  

6. The Public Temper Tantrum:
We've all been there. You're standing in Target staring at two bottles of bargain shampoo, not remembering what shampoo is for or when you picked up the two bottles, and your friend asks what you want to do dinner. You're exhaustion clouds anything but your ability to cry and scream random existential questions, "who cares what's for dinner when I can't even remember my middle name? I'm so tired!! Why do you hate me?? Why is the world so mean?? WAHHHHHH!!!"

7. The Black Hole:
Forget screaming and crying, you feel nothing. All your nervendings have been burned off by the tired and nothing is left. Wherever you land, you'll probably grow roots. People can talk and interact around you, but it is highly unlikely you'll notice. Your eyeballs are dry and unseeing, like your soul. 

8. The Road Kill:
You're so tired at this point that it's not just the will to fight is gone, it's been forcible taken from you. Life came hard and took no prisoners. Everything hurts in ways you've never known, but the plus side is you don't care at all, as long as you can lay on the side of the road. 

9. The Graduate Student:

Any combination of the above, often resulting in panic, distress, and fist shaking. For a shining moment you think you are at a 1 and suddenly you are at a 6, crying at the grocery store. You think for sure you will be at an 8 for the rest of your life, but then the semester ends and you are victorious at 2, then the next semester starts and, nope, you're a 7 for sure.  

10. The Grim Reaper:
Your bones are made of dust, there is no more blood flow, your skin is going to crawl off your body any second, your cells have gone on strike. There are no words for this tired, just groans and other sad noises. They could stick you in a haunted house and not need a sound machine. Or a zombie, because you don't need a costume to blend in. 

What level are you at right now? Any levels I missed?

Wednesday, March 4, 2015

Disney Saves Me From Homicide

There are days that are so good and my mood is so high that I feel like if I burst into song and dance everyone around me will join in, because things are just THAT good.

There are other days, like today, where I am in the middle of horrifying cleanse because I've recently found out my list off food allergies is longer than things that irritate me about Justin Bieber and I feel like shaking my fist at everything.

Regardless of the type of day, I have a pet peeve that makes me twitch and fume. Today, because of the a fore mentioned, sad soup cleanse, it is grating worse than usual.

Whether in class or a staff meeting or any other professional/educational/meeting setting, I HATE when people talk just to hear their own voice.

I am hear to learn. From the professor. Who knows way more than you. Your fifth comment of the day is just derailing us. AGAIN.

I am hear to get through this. To please my pompous boss. Who thinks he knows more than us. Your fifth comment of the day is just derailing us. AGAIN.

So, to keep myself from flinging myself at someone in a desperate bid to end their yapping, ala Mean Girls the mall/watering hole scene, I decided to start classifying these mouth flappers by Disney sidekicks.*

*I use a variety of sidekicks, all of whom I think are wonderful. The use of them in this classification system is not a reflection on their positive qualities.

The hops is that this changes my thoughts from, "SHUT UP. NO ONE IS IMPRESSED WITH YOU. YOU ARE NO CONTRIBUTING ANYTHING. RARRRRRRRRRR!!!!" to "oh you silly, squawking  Scuttle, you sure are loud."

The Condescending Cogsworth: 


We all know this one. They feel the need to share their opinion because it is so much better than anything else anyone has said or will ever said. Tell tale signs are the false questioning tone "I'm wondering if anyone has ever..." and the expectant, thoughtful pause at the end. While there is nothing inherently obvious about the Cogsworth, you will know if you are dealing with one because you will feel the instant need to defend against whatever they are saying.

The Gregarious Genie:


This to me is the most tolerable over-sharer, because the main goal is to get a laugh and they are often successful. Evident by their boisterous laugh and well planned punch lines, they can be entertaining but the impact of a distracted class is the same as the other sidekicks.*

*I'm totally guilty of being the Gregarious Genie. I am working on it! 

The Oblivious Olaf:


You know you are dealing with an Oblivious Olaf when their comments illicit a resounding, uncomfortable silence in the room. Can I get a big group, "huh?" Bonus: if they think their comment is witty and laugh at themselves with no one else joining in, yet they are not bothered at all. You have to admire how comfortable they are in their own skin.  

The Irate Iago:


I sometimes feel bad for the Irate Iago. They are often commenting from a genuine place of anger or disagreement, but the way it is handled often leaves crickets chirping. I don't think we should blindly agree with everything people in authority say to us, but I'm all for appropriate tone and timing. The Iago just loses it and squawks all over.  

The Zealous Zazu:


What's the right answer in Sunday school, always? Jesus. Don't get me wrong, I do think Jesus is the answer to everything, BUT this sidekick uses this like a weapon to get out of hard thoughts. These comments seem to come from a place of discomfort with the subject matter and are intentionally used to derail a conversation. I have only run into this one at Seminary, so far, but there many topics people are zealous about, to the determinant of hearing others.   

What Sidekicks do you have in your life? What creative ways do you handle stress?