Wednesday, June 8, 2016

I'm Not a Hot Mess, I'm a Mess Mess

First, and most importantly, if you're a Coloradan go here and read this, it's an important and necessary ballot initiative that people should learn about (and in my opinion, support)

Any who, on to the meat of my story.

9 times out of 10 I am a hot mess. Or as I like to say, minus the hot, with extra mess. So... a mess mess.

Last Wednesday was no exception - I was in rare form. At my (very new) part time job, a chunk of our staff works remotely so every few months we have an on sight staff meeting. The day before the staff meeting, we got our agenda for the next day and a note that said casual dress was fine.

The agenda was: breakfast, rally for a ballot initiative, staff meeting, Rockies game. Got it. Rockies game and casual dress, that means Rockies' t-shirt. Check.

I show up at breakfast in beach capris, pig tails, and this shirt:

I look around and notice everyone else looks much more presentable and businessey.

Hm. I misunderstood casual. Awkward. That's all right, now I know for next time. 

Embarrassment level: 1.5 (for a girl who had to negotiate the fire department, police department, and a 300 person company during a gas leak while dressed in a 6ft banana suit, this is small potatoes)

After breakfast we load up to go to the rally.

Now. I hear rally... I think pom poms, signs, hot dogs, maybe a few high fives.

Nope. Not even close.

This was more... important politicians, news cameras, maybe a few firm hand shakes.

As we walk in to the Aurora City Hall, I notice I am now beyond misunderstanding about casual to woefully under-dressed for an important event.

Embarrassment level: 3.5 (banana suit fire drill aside, important, well-dressed people in echoy marble halls filled with flags up the ante)

Well, I'm uncomfortable. That's okay, I'll just hide here in the back.

As I'm doing my best to blend in with a sea of pant suits, in my neon purple shirt, I'm told that I need to go up front with the other staff members. Nope. No. Hard pass.

Apparently hard pass is not as strong as I think, because moments later I'm at the front of the hall, behind the podium. In front of the camera. Behind the mayor of Aurora, a senator, and other people whose shoes are so reflective I can see my own distorted face.

Embarrassment level: 5.5 (cameras. 'Nuff said)

I'm telling my co-worker that I'm rapidly descending in to the "I can't move" level of embarrassment, when someone walks by saying: "the Governor will be here in five."




Embarrassment level: 7 (Sure)

So. Me. Purple shirt. Purple shirt that says "Purple Mondays." It's Wednesday. Cameras. Fancy marble hall. The Governor.


So I do what any high functioning, level headed person would do. I hide behind tall people. Successfully, might I add.

And then take a derp selfie to document all of this.

Don't worry. This is my fancy derp face, you can tell from my double chin.