Wednesday, August 14, 2013

YOU GET A SINKHOLE! YOU GET A SINKHOLE! EVERYBODY GETS A SINKHOLE!



IMPORTANT INTRODUCTION INFORMATION:
  1.  My parents have a timeshare in Orlando that we’ve been going to for the last ten years. 
  2.  I really, REALLY love that place (Orlando and the condo). Really.
So, with that in mind, let’s commence this post.
I got home from school last night around ten o’clock and dragged my weary self into bed (I’m running on fumes these days). As I was slowly going comatose John started a conversation:
“Hey, what’s the name of the resort where your parents’ condo is?”
“Harumph. Erm, gurgle.” Sigh. “Uh… I don’t know.”  
“Is it Summer Bay?”
“Mmhmm. Yeah. That’s it.”
“Well. I have something to tell you. It’s been sucked into a sinkhole.”
::PAUSE::
Yes. Yes. You read that right. A sinkhole. Our condo was sucked into a sinkhole.  
 
A SINKHOLE.
 
I immediately went into what I call "Anna Insta Freak Out Mood." I'm slightly embarrassed by how often this term can be applied.
 
 
Let's look at the stages of AIFOM.
 
::PLAY::
 
STAGE 1: SHRILL SHRIEKING
 
"What? WHAT? WHAT?!?! THAT'S THE CONDO! THAT'S OUR CONDO! IT'S IN A SINKHOLE! OUR CONDO IS IN A SINKHOLE! WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING, JOHN?? OUR CONDO!!!!!!!!!! WHY?!?!?!? I DON'T UNDERSTAND!!!!!!!!!! IT'S NOT FUNNY! COOOONNNNDDDOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!" All of this said at a very high octave. 
 
STAGE 2: GENERAL FLAILING
 
More of the shrieking from above but with wild turning, covering and uncovering myself with the blanket, sitting up, laying back down, getting out of bed, turning around, sitting back down on the bed, smacking John on the arm, shaking Razzie (our pupper-noodle), throwing Snowball (my teddy bear), standing back up, etc.
 
STAGE 3: FRANTIC SHARING OF INFORMATION
 
I texted my mom. Waited two seconds. I texted my dad. Waited 1.5 seconds. I texted my brother. I then called my brother.
 
"Did you see what happened to the condo? IT'S HORRIFYING! THE CONDO! IN A SINKHOLE! YOU ALREADY KNEW?? WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING, TOO? YOU PEOPLE!"
 
STAGE 4: INCOMPLETE SENTENCES
 
Post phone call.
 
"Well... I just... I can't... sinkhole... The condo... I can't... I don't... sinkhole..."
 
STAGE 5: DECOMPRESSING
 
John's final comment: "Yup. Yeah. Should have told you in the morning."
 
I think I finally fell asleep around two. It's really difficult spontaneously combusting and it has a long recovery time.


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