Wednesday, January 22, 2014

When I grow up I want to be Tolkien. Or a potato. It's hard to tell.

Getting my master's degree in counseling has thus far involved a painful amount of personal reflection, self-examination,  deep thinking, analyzing all emotional baggage, frequent torture, occasional exorcisms... ::cough:: ... anyway, it's been quite an adventure. I'm pretty much a hobbit with a ring on a death march to an evil volcano, but sassier.

On this perilous journey, I have to take a large amount of standardized tests that examine different parts of my personhood, ponder on the results, and thoughtfully write about what I have learned and how it will help me be the best counselor I can be... Frodo is lucky he only had to face Mordor, Orcs have nothing on falling outside the standard deviation.

A picture of my soul in it's current state.

One such test I took this past semester was about what careers would be best for me. My number one was mental health counselor. Blech. How boring. I hate being predictable.

Reflecting on my completely unshocking answers, I couldn't help but think that the test would be much more exciting if the suggested careers were less... attainable? That's just a nice way of me saying imaginary and/or delusional.

I present my results of a career inventory, if I was allowed to write standardized tests:

5. Hobbit. I initially wrote this as a joke because this post has become weirdly Lord of the Rings themed but then I realized I like food, sleeping, food, socializing, food, hobbit-holes, food... So, yeah. I totally want to be a hobbit. I might already be one?

4. Pre and Post Anesthesia Pep Talk Giver.  This has nothing to do with wanting to help people or make them feel better. This is based purely on the fact that funniest stories in the whole world stem from anesthesia. It's a win-win. They won't remember at all if I actually do my job (all though I give a heck of a pep talk) and I will just laugh at people all day. With people. Laugh with people. Laughing at them would be rude.

3. Fancy Hotel Tester. There is literally nothing I love more in the world than staying at a hotel. I turn in to a crazy hermit person when a hotel is involved. I use all the tiny toiletries, I wear the robe, I order room service, sometimes I take up ironing (I don't even own an iron at home) because it's there. I'd be the BEST hotel tester ever. Built a new luxury resort? Not sure if it's up to par? Call me! On second thought, all my reviews would be along the lines of, "IT'S AMAZING! BEST EVER! SIXTY-SEVEN GOLD STARS TO ALL OF YOU!"

2. Celebrity Baby Namer. First of all, I've totally named a baby before. A human being is permanently labeled because of my skills. Thus, I'm qualified. I can picture it now - sitting on my naming throne, surrounded by blue and pink storks, famous people lining up to meet me, weeping in gratitude when I pass on my genius... AND, to boot, never again will something like North West happen. You're welcome America.

1. Queen of England. Always and for ever this will be my life goal. The end.

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