Just kidding (knock on wood). I can TOTALLY do this. I've got guts! I've got drive! I've got Netflix!
All of this reflecting on how tired and metaphorically beat up I feel led to me creating the below "chart" ("chart," and not chart because I need everyone to be like Peter Pan and just believe it is in chart form, not a random list of crap).
I give you the Anna Smith, "How Tired Are You?" scale!
1. The Jane Fonda
This is when your energy knows no bounds. Academy Awards? Sure, get a couple of those. Write a book? No problemo. Break your foot doing ballet? I guess you'll just make work out videos instead. A force to be reckoned with. People around you automatically drop a few levels on the scale, just tiring from watching you.
2. The Mountain Summit:
Also known as the second wind. You're actually tired, but you've accomplished something that makes you forget. Who cares if you have blisters and stinky socks, you're king of the mountain, mountain, mountain, mountain!!!
3. The Post-Vacation Haze:
Theoretically, vacation is suppose to be restorative. In reality, you are often sunburned and overwhelmed with laundry. You can still call up the glow of the Bahamian beaches, but it's rapidly eclipsed by reality.
4. The Thursdays:
You may be surprised that this level is not "The Mondays," but deep down we all know Thursdays are actually harder and more tiring. You've put in the time and you've fought the good fight, where is your reward? How is it only Thursday? And why does your brain insist on thinking it's Friday and jolting back to the sad reality that is Thursday? You're out of gas, but you have to dig deep still to make it to the weekend.
5. The Youth Group Lock In:
Don't be fooled bu the cutesy lock in this picture. Level 5 is when the struggle really begins to get real. There's nothing like staying up all night making sure kids don't sneak off to get in to shenanigans and then trying to serve breakfast to said squirrely kids on no sleep. The kids get to leave and crash, and you are left picking up the pieces of the church and your sanity. The tears might start at hour 30.
6. The Public Temper Tantrum:
We've all been there. You're standing in Target staring at two bottles of bargain shampoo, not remembering what shampoo is for or when you picked up the two bottles, and your friend asks what you want to do dinner. You're exhaustion clouds anything but your ability to cry and scream random existential questions, "who cares what's for dinner when I can't even remember my middle name? I'm so tired!! Why do you hate me?? Why is the world so mean?? WAHHHHHH!!!"
7. The Black Hole:
Forget screaming and crying, you feel nothing. All your nervendings have been burned off by the tired and nothing is left. Wherever you land, you'll probably grow roots. People can talk and interact around you, but it is highly unlikely you'll notice. Your eyeballs are dry and unseeing, like your soul.
8. The Road Kill:
You're so tired at this point that it's not just the will to fight is gone, it's been forcible taken from you. Life came hard and took no prisoners. Everything hurts in ways you've never known, but the plus side is you don't care at all, as long as you can lay on the side of the road.
9. The Graduate Student:
Any combination of the above, often resulting in panic, distress, and fist shaking. For a shining moment you think you are at a 1 and suddenly you are at a 6, crying at the grocery store. You think for sure you will be at an 8 for the rest of your life, but then the semester ends and you are victorious at 2, then the next semester starts and, nope, you're a 7 for sure.
10. The Grim Reaper:
Your bones are made of dust, there is no more blood flow, your skin is going to crawl off your body any second, your cells have gone on strike. There are no words for this tired, just groans and other sad noises. They could stick you in a haunted house and not need a sound machine. Or a zombie, because you don't need a costume to blend in.
What level are you at right now? Any levels I missed?