Tuesday, March 31, 2015

On a Scale from Jane Fonda to the Grim Reaper, How Tired Are You??

I'm in the final (ish) stretch of graduate school, which is incredibly exciting. And exhausting. And I'm pretty sure I'm going to keel over before December. It's going to be just like Rocky, but if he had finally been knocked out in the 14th round. Very anti-climactic. 

Just kidding (knock on wood). I can TOTALLY do this. I've got guts! I've got drive! I've got Netflix!

All of this reflecting on how tired and metaphorically beat up I feel led to me creating the below "chart" ("chart," and not chart because I need everyone to be like Peter Pan and just believe it is in chart form, not a random list of crap).   

I give you the Anna Smith, "How Tired Are You?" scale!

1. The Jane Fonda
This is when your energy knows no bounds. Academy Awards? Sure, get a couple of those. Write a book? No problemo. Break your foot doing ballet? I guess you'll just make work out videos instead. A force to be reckoned with. People around you automatically drop a few levels on the scale, just tiring from watching you. 

2. The Mountain Summit:

Also known as the second wind. You're actually tired, but you've accomplished something that makes you forget. Who cares if you have blisters and stinky socks, you're king of the mountain, mountain, mountain, mountain!!! 

3. The Post-Vacation Haze: 

Theoretically, vacation is suppose to be restorative. In reality, you are often sunburned and overwhelmed with laundry. You can still call up the glow of the Bahamian beaches, but it's rapidly eclipsed by reality. 

4. The Thursdays:
You may be surprised that this level is not "The Mondays," but deep down we all know Thursdays are actually harder and more tiring. You've put in the time and you've fought the good fight, where is your reward? How is it only Thursday? And why does your brain insist on thinking it's Friday and jolting back to the sad reality that is Thursday? You're out of gas, but you have to dig deep still to make it to the weekend.

5. The Youth Group Lock In:
Don't be fooled bu the cutesy lock in this picture. Level 5 is when the struggle really begins to get real. There's nothing like staying up all night making sure kids don't sneak off to get in to shenanigans and then trying to serve breakfast to said squirrely kids on no sleep. The kids get to leave and crash, and you are left picking up the pieces of the church and your sanity. The tears might start at hour 30.  

6. The Public Temper Tantrum:
We've all been there. You're standing in Target staring at two bottles of bargain shampoo, not remembering what shampoo is for or when you picked up the two bottles, and your friend asks what you want to do dinner. You're exhaustion clouds anything but your ability to cry and scream random existential questions, "who cares what's for dinner when I can't even remember my middle name? I'm so tired!! Why do you hate me?? Why is the world so mean?? WAHHHHHH!!!"

7. The Black Hole:
Forget screaming and crying, you feel nothing. All your nervendings have been burned off by the tired and nothing is left. Wherever you land, you'll probably grow roots. People can talk and interact around you, but it is highly unlikely you'll notice. Your eyeballs are dry and unseeing, like your soul. 

8. The Road Kill:
You're so tired at this point that it's not just the will to fight is gone, it's been forcible taken from you. Life came hard and took no prisoners. Everything hurts in ways you've never known, but the plus side is you don't care at all, as long as you can lay on the side of the road. 

9. The Graduate Student:

Any combination of the above, often resulting in panic, distress, and fist shaking. For a shining moment you think you are at a 1 and suddenly you are at a 6, crying at the grocery store. You think for sure you will be at an 8 for the rest of your life, but then the semester ends and you are victorious at 2, then the next semester starts and, nope, you're a 7 for sure.  

10. The Grim Reaper:
Your bones are made of dust, there is no more blood flow, your skin is going to crawl off your body any second, your cells have gone on strike. There are no words for this tired, just groans and other sad noises. They could stick you in a haunted house and not need a sound machine. Or a zombie, because you don't need a costume to blend in. 

What level are you at right now? Any levels I missed?

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

For those of us who have experienced and survived said Youth Group Lock-Ins, I kinda feel that one might need a higher number...just sayin! SO.DARN.FUNNY!!!

KJ said...

Hahahahaha!!!!!!! �� I lived around 9 for years. Now I'm like a 2 which lets me stretch to reading blog posts and I'm glad I found yours!!!!

Anna Kristine said...

It's always good to hear there is hope out there of not living perpetually as a 9!! Glad you found it too!!

Misty said...

You forgot "mom of a newborn" tired, in which you are actually Grim Reaper tired and your body is completely hammered by having recently expelled an actual human being, but this tiny, magical being keeps making demands of you and you have All The Feels In The Whole World, so all you can do is sit in a rocking chair with said tiny being and cry.

Anna Kristine said...

Oh, I did totally think of that one, but thought as a childless person it'd be presumptions to add! And rumor, and your description, has it that it is actually somewhere way Grim Reaper +. Thank heavens for rocking chairs!

Megan said...

I'd have to say "Roadkill" is on a good day. I work 12 hour night shifts 7pm-7am. After work, I come home, get my kid ready for school, take her there, sit in traffic to get home, and don't go to bed until 9am. Then I have to be back at school to pick her up by 3:10. I'm lucky if I get 5 hours of sleep a night during my work week. It's brutal. I call it "So Tired I Might Barf."

Anna Kristine said...

Oh Megan, your plate is so full! You sound like you might actually be a super hero. I'm going to go ahead and put working 12 hour night shifts while juggling parenthood is Grim Reaper + as well!

Megan said...

Anna, it's funny you should say that. When my 6 year old was a baby she never slept. Like, never. Her pediatrician referred to her as a "non-sleeper." She's old enough now to click the "Netflix Kids" button on the iPad on weekend mornings, make a bowl of Cheerios, and entertain herself for an hour or two so mom can sleep an extra bit...she's smart enough to know that letting me sleep a little extra results in a mom who's not a Dragon Lady all day. It's like a miracle, because not long ago it wasn't uncommon for her to wake up, ready to rock, at 4am. I remember one day, when she was a baby, laying in bed so delirious with lack of sleep that I was almost hallucinating. And I thought, "That's it! I'm OBVIOUSLY a super hero. My super power is the ability to survive with no sleep, ever." It was my mantra for a long time-"I'm a super hero. I'm a super hero. I'm a super hero." It's amazing that anyone survives the first years of having kids without ending up in a padded room. This is why my child (who I adore, of course) has no siblings.